Oh No, They Didn't (Portland Edition)

"Oh no, they didn't!", was the first thought that crossed my 2011 mind when I saw this toy bank inside Kidd's Toy Museum today. How completely inappropriate. How wrong. And how come it makes me want to photograph it to seer it into my memory. "Oh no, they didn't" is the theme of our day. Sometimes it applies because the place was just so "wrong". Sometimes it applies, because the place is just so random. Sometimes it applies because there just isn't anything else to say about some of the things we saw on our full-day tour of Roadside Random Sights (Portland Edition).

Bill worked. That means the kids and I had a morning to fill. What better way to fill it than with a tour of a few of the plethora of random things that fill this cool city. I made a giant list and grouped them according to address and away we went. First stop was Brick's Barber Shop (SW Portland). Yes, that is a giant purple octopus on top. Not only is it there, but they paid for it to be there. They rescued it from a failing Greek restaurant , whatever, you can watch the hilarious barbershop owner tell the story better than I can by clicking here.

Next stop, Mill's End Park. Yup, it's tiny. If I hadn't googled images of this park before I left home, there is no way I would have found it. I would have driven by over and over again, gotten frustrated and given up. But I did google image it, and spotted it immediately. The boys took a little longer. Here they are playing in the world's smallest park. Here is the internet information I found about this tiny oasis.

The park was founded by a journalist by the name of Dick Fagan. Mr. Fagan's office gave him a view of the street below where he noticed a hole that was put in the street for a utility pole. When they failed to place the pole, weeds started growing. Mr. Fagan started planting flowers in the hole (perhaps to enhance the view from his office window) and called the little oasis Mill Ends Park. He went further and started writing about the leprechauns and other happenings in the world's smallest park and the idea caught on with his readers. The park was first dedicated in 1948 and was officially adopted as a city park in 1976. Since that time, it has long been the site of St. Patrick's Day celebrations, various stunts such as installing a miniature ferris wheel with a full sized crane, and other local happenings.

It is random, it is funny and the boys enjoyed seeing the miniature items that had been placed in the park.

On we go, to the country's second largest copper repousse statue. The largest being the statue of liberty (which I am proud to say my boys guessed when I asked them). She sits on top of the Portland Building downtown and reaches down to greet visitors as they enter the building and she is a Portland icon. Not that weird, but the cool factoid about her size qualified her for our tour.

From a giant woman who is an icon to the city, to a icon to woman-
hood for the past 100+ years--The Vacuum. We hit up a vacuum cleaner museum. Yes, Portland can brag that they have one at Starks' vacuum cleaner store (They can brag that they have an actual vacuum cleaner store, too.) The boys found this way more interesting than I thought they would. We spent double the time I thought we would here. I had estimated 5 minutes, and we spent a full 10 perusing vacuum cleaning history.

Did I have a personal favorite, you ask, (knowing how I love to vacuum?) Why yes, yes I did. This doozy here. I wish I could make my Dyson look like this lovely lady. Clearly she is female and clearly she knows how to get a good sucking job done right.

On we went to the Happy Hippo Hardware store. This was by far our longest stop. It was a giant building full from top to bottom with-- wait for it-- reclaimed home hardware. Think doorknobs, hinges, toilets, tubs faucets, locks, lighting.


Because of fun things like this guy with flippers, drowning in a tub surrounded by his vinyl collection and a record player, I could not drag the boys out of here. Romney was entertained by figuring out how each door knob and lock combo worked. William I think was just enjoying getting lost in the place, for a few minutes of quiet without Romney and I. I, obviously, as a part owner of a circa 1891 Victorian in constant need of renovation, was pretty excited to see all the cool stuff tucked into drawers, hung from the ceiling and attached to the walls. (Did I mention this place was packed?)


Did I have a favorite item at the Happy Hippo, one that I wish could come home and live in my house? Why yes, yes I did. The Elvis bathtub. Complete with a portrait of the hip-shaking heart-throb, Graceland and titles to some of his biggest hits. How great would this be in our "back" bathroom?


After a long sojourn into home hardware of the past, the boys were hungry, so I promised them the next would be a quick stop. I illegally parked the car (which of course worried my little rule follower, William, to no end) put my hazards on and left my children inside, to stand in the middle of the road (again, worried William did not enjoy this part) and took a quick photo of a giant loaf of illuminated spinning white bread. Why? Because someone cared enough to put it up as an emblem of "super-duper-only in america"-ness, I cared enough to (not-really) risk my life to snap a photo on my iphone camera. That's why.


Hungry boys who were promised a nice surprise for lunch were not dis-
appointed when they realized they would be eating one of the yummiest kid foods ever invented on a double decker bus turned dining room. Yes, I am just that cool of a mom. I found the Grilled Cheese Grill. Nope, I still don't eat cheese. And yes, that is part of the reason that me actually taking them there was a pretty cool thing to do.


You know it is a good lunch when it makes two boys who have spent every waking and sleeping moment together for nearly the past 3 weeks smile and hug each other like this. Uh, I mean this is what they have looked like the entire trip and they have not gotten on each other's (or my last) nerve(s) at all. Yeah, that's the ticket.


Our final stop before picking up Bill was the Kidd Toy museum. You remember from the photo at the top of this post, right. The one with the HIGHLY in-
appropriate (yet sadly part of giant part of our country's history) bank. The door to enter this treasure is on an unmarked warehouse type building with a sign that reads something to the effect of "Knock first. AND THEN WAIT to be allowed in." It was a little unnerving and I was questioning what I had gotten us into, but Romney knocked loud and furious until the elderly lady let us in. We were the only ones there. In fact, we were the only ones who had been there for two days. It was packed with every imaginable doll, train, wind-up toy, bank and piece of Disney memorablia. At least every thing I could imagine. I am sure there is plenty more crap, I mean, toys to be collected.


Now with Bill in tow, and a gorgeous weather day (which now as "residents" for the month, we know how rare they can be.) we toured Laurelhurst park by foot. We took in the playground, the duck pond, the walking trails and beautiful greenery. Most importantly we soaked in the sun together, relaxed and played together. It is so much more fun, once Bill is off work.


I had planned one last stop of randomness for today. The Rimsky-Korsacoffee house. I have been reading about it in my Zinester guide to Portland and on the internet and knew it would be a hit. It didn't open until 7:00 p.m. Just perfect to grab a treat before sending Bill off to his Portland Timber's soccer game. (You knew he would have to go to one, didn't you?) The challenge. Finding it. It looks like any old house, with no sign out front except for the neon "open" sign hanging from the window.


Qualifying for this tour means it had some kind of strangeness to offer us. With it's super creepy bathrooms (yes, this guy greets you as you enter the lavatory and then "watches" you as you do your business.) it more than met our "oddness" requirements. William came downstairs a little perved out by this guy saying "I could barely pee. It feels like someone is watching you." It is this type of peculiarity that made this coffee house a must-see on our tour today.


But the weirdness was not relegated to the restrooms. Oh, no. There was plenty of ecentricity to be had in the rest of the coffee house. From the waitstaff that barely recognized our presence and uttered as few words as possible in our direction, to the ever so slowly spinning of our table that moved, almost undetected, our tea and desserts to the next person, (and then onto the next person) like a ghost playing a very harmless and entertaining prank on the guest. I think we succeeded in seeing a few more sights that make Portland unique and why residents are proud to "Keep Portland Weird".